Letters are like legos, and words are all those Legos put together to form a battleship or a house or may a airplane. If we were to put all of our verbal legos together, what would come of it? If you could build anything you wanted with your own words, what would you like to build?
Words are like the bricks to a house that we just never finish building; an eternal aspiration to what we would love our home and life to be. If I could build something out of my own ramblings, it would be a modest home, definitely full of many windows to have natural sunlight; to have the wind greet me with her breeze in any room would be splendid. Perhaps on a hillside or in a Mediterranean setting with the rumbling of the ocean in the background would be a definite plus. I'd love to build something as solid as a house, a place where I could eventually call a home, but for right now, my words need to be shifted to a different construction site.
Most of my friends have told me I have knack for writing and back when, I used to love to write by far more than I have been these last few years. So why not turn those verbal, hand-made bricks to something a bit more necessary? Perhaps into a brick road. Ever since my last post, I've been thinking so much about possible options in life and stupid doubts I've had in myself. I've been waking up in the middle of the night lately just with so many ideas in my head and then the ever stupid question, "why have I waited this long?"
If there's one huge fear in my inner most being, it's to settle. To settle on a person that's not right for me. To settle on a job more well suited for someone else or one that's time has past for me. To settle on a life that's become so monotonous that it's scary. I don't want to look back at my life at 40 and think, "geez, I've done nothing." Even worse, to look at life when I'm 50 thinking, "well damn, where did the time go?" I know that this sounds like a pessimist's dream come true, but I promise you I'm not thinking like that. Instead, I've started to put a positive spin on things.
Why waste all of my time in this hamster wheel without trying to MacGyver my way out of it? One of my most powerful weapons in my personal arsenal of things I've come to learn are my dreams and words, so why not put them to use? I was recently asked about explaining some kind of adventure I've had traveling on one of my zany adventures, and it got me thinking... isn't our life just one giant traveling and zany adventure? I mean, do we ever really know our destination? Or do we THINK we do? I guess that can be the stressful part of life but perhaps it's also the most exciting part of it.
Sure, it can be disheartening to learn that perhaps you've come to realize that you're going in the wrong direction in life, but it's never too late to change that. There have been times that I've wanted to sell most of my permanent (translated: condo) material possessions and move to a distant city or country and start life off like it was meant to be enjoyed: with simplicity. My nomadic and realist sides have been at battle lately, and it's been an interesting time; some times depressing, and others exciting. Right now I think my nomadic spirit is starting to get some good jabs in, but realism is throwing up some good blocks. Place your bets everyone!
Don't get me wrong, I know that we have to have some kind of destination in our lives, but the word "destination" is just as fluid as the ocean water. Right now, it seems as if my destination is unknown, but I've discovered a few more paths laid out to me; perhaps they've been there this whole time, and it's been the weeds of my self doubt that have covered them.
If self doubt has been unwanted foliage, then my words are that mower that I'm using to cut them down and keep them at bay while I lay down new bricks to some kind of exit strategy. Although masonry is always a good use for language, what I may do is to take my words and manner of writing and use them to mold a possible left field solution out of this interesting pickle I find myself in.
My floorboard is starting to be cleared up and my blocks being organized by shape and color, and now it's time to put these Legos to use... brick by brick, with thought out intention.
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