Stepping Gravel... Where's the dust?

Beep.. Buzz... Boom...  AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! So much noise and such little time to think!!! I'm starting to believe that I'm going stir crazy without my car.  Granted, I came back from my trip two weeks ago, I'm still craving the open road.  To some, peace comes in the form of an airplane flying from point to point, or a train ride from one stop to another.  Traveling wise, peace comes to me in a car.  I roll down the windows, play whatever music I want and head off into the sunset.  Usually when I grab rubber, I really have no real end destination.  The joys of cars right? 

People ask me all the time why I hate flying; but when you compare the options you have in a car against the few you have in a plane, is there really a need for me to explain?  Most of the time, I can pass the hours, music off and hand waving through the moving wind coming through my window.  That to me is peace.  What's been so difficult about not having a car for so many blocks of weeks or months, is that in Atlanta, you really can't walk anywhere with the sense of achieving anything.  You walk a few miles and you see more buildings... Or a parking deck... Or a gas station.  The city is so spread out without adequate public transit, that walking is almost pointless, unless you decide to travel within your neighborhood area.  Yet, the city with all of its flaws, still has this mysterious charm about it that makes you miss it when you're gone.  I wish that I could tell you what it is, but even today, it still evades me.

But this is all beside the point... I'm just craving the open road.  I've been asked alot as to what I find so appealing in nature and just smaller towns in general; for one, less noise.  When camping, nature provides you her own soundtrack which usually helps me sleep so many countless hours.  The beauty I see in smaller towns is the pure simplicity of life; I'm sure such simplicity for some could be extremely boring, yet as for myself, every so often those towns do the trick. 

Sometimes I feel that I write with no real point, as if my road trips that I so yearn for, come out like my writings: no end came... no destination.  Tonight there is no real destination in my head, just my thoughts all racing around on an open highway leading me who knows where.

Fortune Cookie Fairy Tales

These last couple of days I've been stuck with one question in my head, "What's happiness?"  I've never been good with these rhetorical questions; it's not as if you can crack open a fortune cookie and ta-dah!: the answer is found after enjoying a meal of chow mein and General Tzao's chicken.  As much as I love chinese food, my search for happiness has to extend beyond the culinary. 

When I ask most folks what makes them happy, it usually leads to the same answer: money, money, and money.  To each their own in my eyes; I can see how money can lead to happiness for some... hell, with money you can buy your house, travel the world and abandon all to start a giant ant farm in some remote land.  But for me, it's not about money; I want to feel fulfilled.  I want to go to work and walk into it thinking as if I'm accomplishing something.  I want to wake up and think to myself, "today I will feel fulfilled."  I've been trying as of late, to wake up and do some kind of mental chant to myself like what was just mentioned, to help start my day off right.  Sometimes it works, and at others, I think of myself as a rambling fool. 

My road to happiness need only to lead me away from one thing: misery.  There's nothing worse in this world than to feel miserable.  Let me clear the air though: I'm not miserable; but I am stagnant.  Stagnation is such a burden on the soul.  It's as if you're walking into a fog, with no idea where you're going.  Do you A) let the fog clear or B) go wandering with no direction into the mist in hopes of getting out of it?  I guess everyone has their own preference.  I just choose to not be stagnant.  When I went on my trip, I had many come to Jesus moments, and discovered that I just don't want to be stagnant anymore. 

I may be lost at points, but I want to move.  As long as my feet aren't standing still or moving backwards, I want to keep walking and getting my life into motion.  Lesson one of many from my trip, I've gotta seek fulfillment.  I need to continue to smile and seek what makes me smile.  Don't get me wrong, money is always nice to have; but life isn't about fortune and being a slave to your work.  I don't want to find a job where I make so much money, that I then have to find another one of greater earnings so I can maintain my new found lifestyle.  I could be raising pigs, creating micro credits for impoverished societies or be a portfolio manager, but as long as that sense of fulfillment remains non-existent, I'll still continue to look elsewhere... money or lack thereof be damned. 

So that's where I'm at right now; somewhere in between stagnation and direction.  All I know for certain is that I no longer want to remain still; I want to continue to find what makes me tick inside and how I can continue to pursue it.  I tasted a bit of what I have been missing for some time, and I want more!  I'm sure there's a fortune cookie out there with my name on it.

Walking cane and handshakes

There's a guy who lives in my building who suffers from some kind of physical disability; he's one of the nicest people you could meet.  Tonight I ran into him while walking back home and we briefly caught up.  I just like his energy; what makes him even more special is that he greets everyone with a wave and a smile, no matter who they may be.  In this day and age, where we're all to busy sometimes to acknowledge each other on the street with a simple salutation, it's so refreshing to see someone who can still make us pause and wave due to his wonderfully kind nature.  Some may look at him and think belittling thoughts because of his disability; yet I believe it's that same disability that makes him so special.  Perhaps through this obstacle in his life, he's been able to see through so much superficiality that we still bog ourselves down with; perhaps we're the ones who have a disability with life and not him.  He's truly a good person to have around in this world, and I wish him many more years of happiness. 

First things first

So I've decided to officially start my own blog.  Geez, I haven't written one of these in eons.  The last time I wrote online was back in the days of Myspace.  Myspace!!  Times, they be a changin indeed, yes sir! 

Well my blog is called the "Ramblings of a Wandering "...-ist."  What does that mean?  Well I was thinking the other day, we're so used to labeling ourselves as something or another: pessimist, pragmatist, optimist, etc...  Why can't be just be an -ist?  Give ourselves a break and some leeway to just be just that: ourselves.  Some days I'm a realist, others a pessimist, and others an optimist.  Between you and me, I think I may be more of a closeted realist/pragmatist than I reveal myself to be.  But again, who knows?  Even better, who cares?  Let's just let ourselves be what we feel to be.

I just got back from a two week whirlwind European backpacking adventure.  It was life-making, not life changing.  What's the difference?  For me, it's just semantics.  I walked out of this trip feeling as if I had made some good steps forward in my life.  I realized that the biggest challenge for me was to achieve self fulfillment.  Done are the times that money controls everything or that I've got to settle for someone who doesn't fit the role.  Done are the times where I just sit around in utter stagnation and let the days go by without any sense of worth.  Done are the times that I wake up and just go "blaaaaahhhh."  This trip opened my eyes to so much!  To those who have never been abroad, I strongly suggest that you try to do it; it works wonders on your mind.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying I found Jesus or anything, even though in Amsterdam there were some funny neon Christ signs.  (Who would've thought?)  I just had some time to decompress.  There's nothing more humbling than wandering by yourself in places that you have absolutely no idea how to communicate.  French?  Spanish?  English?  Sign me up!  Dutch?  German?  The only word I knew going into Germany was leiderhosen.  I totally butchered that word; but doesn't it have a fun ring to it? Just rolls off your tongue.  It can be lonely at times when you're put in a situation like I was, but after a while it becomes so liberating.  Why you may ask?  Because no one cares that you're American.  No one cares that you speak English.  Everyone is just happy being who they are.  It's always fun trying to communicate though.  In Rotterdam I remember ordering from this little joint in a not so pleasant part of town and between me (Non dutch looking white boy) and the dutch speaking Asian with very little English, I felt like we were playing Pictionary with the menu. I just pointed at items and used words that I had no idea what they meant; hell, the words looked nice and flashy on the old 1980's looking lit up billboard hanging over the counter, so why not take a chance?  What I ended up with was a mix between some kind of chicken curry and looked to be potatoes.  Let's just say my stomach wasn't a fan, but man was it delicious!!

From interesting culinary experiences to frustrating airport debacles, the language barrier was definitely a challenge but also a blessing in disguise.  It was completely humbling to know that it wasn't going to be easy; nothing that's meant to be of worth ever is.  It all just opened my eyes. 

So many stories to share, so many debacles to laugh at, so many miles traveled and so little sleep gained.  This is definitely an adventure I will forever hold deeply in my memories and one that I will look back and laugh at for years to come.  I had moments ranging from loneliness to pure bliss and then some, and at other times, moments of reflection and just some meditation.  Through the many miles traversed to the hours of sleep I'll never get back, I'm finally back in Atlanta dealing with the wonderful world of jet lag.  Not quite the experience I was hoping for, but it'll pass.  I still look back at the trip and just laugh at so much.  The stories are too many to write down, but the memories are ever lasting.

I decided to start this blog because I wrote many journal entries on my trip.  I already have the memory of a two year old, so I didn't want to take a chance and forget anything.  Writing though, was one of the few things I decided I needed to start doing again; it brought me peace and relaxation.  So here I am now, trying to use this blog to find my inner "-ist."  Some days will be full of laughter, and others some sadness, but I look forward to just writing and sharing again my thoughts and stories to whoever is willing to listen to them.  In the mean time, my ultra non-tech savvy side of me will try to make this blog site of mine a wee bit more interesting, instead of the odd pastels it's currently drowning in.

I hope this finds everyone well and let's all look into our inner "-ists", we may be surprised at what we find.