These last couple of days I've been stuck with one question in my head, "What's happiness?" I've never been good with these rhetorical questions; it's not as if you can crack open a fortune cookie and ta-dah!: the answer is found after enjoying a meal of chow mein and General Tzao's chicken. As much as I love chinese food, my search for happiness has to extend beyond the culinary.
When I ask most folks what makes them happy, it usually leads to the same answer: money, money, and money. To each their own in my eyes; I can see how money can lead to happiness for some... hell, with money you can buy your house, travel the world and abandon all to start a giant ant farm in some remote land. But for me, it's not about money; I want to feel fulfilled. I want to go to work and walk into it thinking as if I'm accomplishing something. I want to wake up and think to myself, "today I will feel fulfilled." I've been trying as of late, to wake up and do some kind of mental chant to myself like what was just mentioned, to help start my day off right. Sometimes it works, and at others, I think of myself as a rambling fool.
My road to happiness need only to lead me away from one thing: misery. There's nothing worse in this world than to feel miserable. Let me clear the air though: I'm not miserable; but I am stagnant. Stagnation is such a burden on the soul. It's as if you're walking into a fog, with no idea where you're going. Do you A) let the fog clear or B) go wandering with no direction into the mist in hopes of getting out of it? I guess everyone has their own preference. I just choose to not be stagnant. When I went on my trip, I had many come to Jesus moments, and discovered that I just don't want to be stagnant anymore.
I may be lost at points, but I want to move. As long as my feet aren't standing still or moving backwards, I want to keep walking and getting my life into motion. Lesson one of many from my trip, I've gotta seek fulfillment. I need to continue to smile and seek what makes me smile. Don't get me wrong, money is always nice to have; but life isn't about fortune and being a slave to your work. I don't want to find a job where I make so much money, that I then have to find another one of greater earnings so I can maintain my new found lifestyle. I could be raising pigs, creating micro credits for impoverished societies or be a portfolio manager, but as long as that sense of fulfillment remains non-existent, I'll still continue to look elsewhere... money or lack thereof be damned.
So that's where I'm at right now; somewhere in between stagnation and direction. All I know for certain is that I no longer want to remain still; I want to continue to find what makes me tick inside and how I can continue to pursue it. I tasted a bit of what I have been missing for some time, and I want more! I'm sure there's a fortune cookie out there with my name on it.
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